Ask the Wizard
by Lunar Scholar
Summary: So, in here, ask anyone from the books just about any question you like. T, so nothing too bad. Language, violence, all depends on questions.
1. Chapter 1

_hey, what's up? Lunar Scholar here! This is based off ECDeadly's 'Ask the Survivors', which is based off something else I haven't read. It's very simple. Leave a review asking questions to any character that exists in the Dresden Files. Should be funny._

LS: "Where are they. Dammit, I said 7. It's 10 already!"

Suddenly, the door opens to admit a tall man wearing a leather duster. He is carrying a bag.

Harry: "Hey, Scholar, sorry I'm late. Murphy has a case."

LS: "Is it bad? She's a main character! Lots of people will have questions for her! Did you at least bring...?"

Harry: "Yes, there in here." He pulled two skulls, one bleached and well formed, the other rough wood.

Harry: "Bob, wake up. We're here."

The skull's eyes filled with orange light.

Bob: "It's daytime. I don't want to answer a bunch of random ignorant questions from a bunch of clueless mortals."

LS: "With any luck, no one will ask you anything if your going to be such an ass."

The door opens and a short woman walks in.

LS: Thank God. Someone reasonable."

Harry: "I'm reasonable!"

LS: "No, you have morals. That automatically means your only reasonable half the day."

Murphy: "I agree."

A pair of pale-skinned people crash through the skylight in the building.

Thomas: "Lara, I told you we'd be late. Look, 3 hours late. This nice person invites us here and now we look bad."

Lara: "Oh, for Hunger's sake. Lord forgive I inconvenience a human."

LS: "I'm the freaking writer. I deserve at least a small amount of respect."

General snorts of derision from all non-human guests.

A group of people walk in. A few are unrecognizable, but three stand out.

Nicodemus: "Hmm, I'd rather hoped to be the first here."

Tessa: "May I kill someone?"

Deidre: "Come now, mother. That wouldn't be very polite. Perhaps after the chapter is over?"

'Lunar Scholar very discreetly sweats in terror.'

LS: "Ahem, that's all well and good, but where is the rest? I'm still waiting on Marcone, Grey, and Demonreach."

Harry: "You do know he doesn't exist outside the island, right?"

LS: "Again, I'm the writer. I'm practically a god!"

Murphy: "Megalomaniac much?"

LS: 'sigh' I give up. I hope questions give you people some form of order. And be on time tomorrow!"

Deirdre: "Mother, perhaps now would be a convenient time to kill someone. Perhaps the Scholar?"

Tessa: "Excellent idea."

LS: "Oh, hell no! 'escapes using ODM from Attack on Titan' BE SURE TO REVIEW, READERS!"


	2. Chapter 2

(LS walks into the building. 'jaw drops and eyes widen')

LS: "What the HELL is going on here?!"

Nicodemus: "Ah, you've arrived at last. Grey arrived, and there was a... misunderstanding between him and Uriel."

(Insert graphic battle scene with wrecked landscape here)

LS: "Hoo-boy. Fan-freaking-tastic. (cups hands around mouth) HEY, EVERYBODY CHILL OUT. WE HAVE REVIEWS!"

Everybody came over to sit on the couches in the middle of the room.

Harry: "Did you really think it was a good idea to have a Naagloshii and a freaking archangel in the same place?"

LS: "Look, I was tired when I was writing invites. I didn't think about it!"

Murphy: "That's obvious."

'General sounds of agreement all around.'

LS: "Well..."

Bob: "Nope, too late. You already screwed yourself."

LS(under breath): Dammit. (normal voice) look, we have reviews, will you all shut up now."

Thomas: "We do!?"

Lara: "Will wonders ever cease?"

LS: Ah, come on. Was there ever any doubt?"

Everyone: "yes."

LS: (sigh) Fine, our first is from narphoenix, and he says...

_**Deirdre: How are you ambulatory right now? Wasn't the point of the Gate of the Blood that you *ckhk* (draws finger across throat)?**_

_**Lara: If you take over the world, can you eat me quickly? Please? I'd ask Thomas (he's nicer), but unfortunately I'm a guy whose tastes don't swing that way.**_

_**Harry: Are you worried that your stint on the island has caused you to become off your game? I mean, last book I counted zero buildings destroyed by fire. Seriously, dude. Step it up. If you're going to want your friends to be able to do things like tell you're back from the dead by a building blowing up, you're going to have to meet them halfway and preserve your reputation.**_

_**Marcone: Can you take over the world before Lara does? While her eating me to death would be awesome, you'd run the place with much more efficiency. And I'm not hedging my bets what are you talking about?**_

Deirdre: "I just know Hades said I could come here as long as Lunar Scholar wanted."

Everyone looks at Lunar Scholar.

LS: "Ok, I might have bargained with Hades so Dierdre could be here."

Harry: "What did he get in return?"

LS: 'wolf smile' 'drags Deirdre into a soundproof room. Just before the door closes, the opening theme of "My Little Pony" and Deirdre's screams are heard.

LS: "I promised to put her through hell."

'Visible shudders all around'

Lara: "Well, it depends on how hungry I am. It's possible I'll just through you to ferals, but I'm flattered you asked."

Harry: "For the record, I did use fire to destroy Hades's vault."

Hannah Ascher: "That was my fire."

Harry: "Hell's Bells! You're dead!"

Hannah: "So is Deirdre, but she's here."

Harry(to LS): "Two bargains is kinda pushing it, dude."

LS: "Nah, once I told Hades what I had planned for Dierdre, he laughed so hard he agreed to throw in Hannah for free."

Hannah: "That's insulting."

Harry: "I still think I deserve some credit..."

Marcone: "Taking over the world is not necessarily my goal. It's a question of who you'd rather be. The king, or his advisor?"

LS: "Ok, this is going to be updated every Saturday, and there are no more questions, sooooooooooo..."

Harry: "Only one? Big shock..."

LS: So, see you all in one week!


	3. Chapter 3

LS: "Hey, guys. Welcome to the third chapter. Welcome, reviewers! Please take your V.I.P seats. Of course, there's only one reviewer, but, ya know, beggars and choosers."

Binder: "Christ, you're still goin on bout that?"

LS: "It bugs me, alright? I dislike short chapters. Plus I got some member of a group called Eliminator warning me about how I'm breaking the guidelines and so on."

Murphy: "Aren't you?"

LS: "That's not the point. Anyway, narphoenix is still the only reviewer. Here's what he had to say."

_**This did not disappoint.**_

_**Hm. How to make this more interesting… Oh. I know.**_

_**Mab, Mab, Mab, I summon thee.**_

LS: Isn't that nic- wait, what did he just say!?"

(Dramatic Entrance involving ice)

Mab: "Who hath dared to call my name?"

LS: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Mab: "You, mortal. What be your name?"

LS: "It... It... it's. 'faint in terror'

Harry: "That's Lunar Scholar. He invited us here so people could ask us questions."

Mab: "And why am I here? Is there some query for me to answer?"

Harry: "Uh, no. One, well, the only reviewer, thought it would be interesting."

Mab: "Name this mortal, my Knight, so that I might show him the error of his ways."

LS: "It was narphoenix."

Lara (no enthusiasm) : "Scholar, you're up. We are all overjoyed."

Mab: "Very well. I shall not hold you to the summons. I shall hunt this phoenix to the ends of the Earth and beyond in order to enact justice."

LS: "Sorry narphoenix, you're, kinda on your own with this. And that's it for today! See y'all next week!"

Uriel: "Y'all? How quaint."


	4. Chapter 4

LS: 'walks in with smug smile and bounce in his step'

Thomas: "Hey Scholar. Why so happy? Get a girlfriend?"

Murphy: "First gun?"

Ivy: 'giggle'

Kincaid: "What is it?"

Ivy: "beckons, then whispers in his ear'

Kincaid: "Ah, that makes sense."

Harry: "More reviewers?"

Grey: "Be serious, wizard."

Michael: "Found the Lord?"

LS: 'points at Harry, then gives thumbs-up.'

Harry: "Ha, called it."

Lara: "I don't believe it for a second."

LS: "That's a shame. After all, one of the questions is for you."

Lara: 'arched eyebrow' "Oh, really?"

LS: "Yep. ThatBlueScreenGuy said..."

Grey: "Wait, who?"

LS: 'annoyed glance' "The new reviewer."

_**Only one reviewer? Fine, I guess I'll help you out here...**_

_**Okay, rapid fire questions!**_

_**Uriel: What went through your head when you got that nose bleed?**_

_**Lara: Is it possible for you to get any more scary/sexy?**_

_**Harry: Seriously, how in the Hell do you not know what's going on in your own head. (And no, I won't take 'I try not to over think it' as an answer. That was just lame)**_

_**Murphy: Given recent injuries, and the possible handicap that they may represent, where do you think that leave your whole 'badass vigilante' thing?**_

_**Binder: Just how did you meet with Ascher?**_

_**And finally, to everyone who might have an answer: Name the most idiotic thing that you've witnessed Dresden do. Only one, though. I doubt we have the time to name them all (And you know it's true, Harry).**_

Uriel: "It was... indescribable. Imagine you had never felt pain before. You went your whole life from the second you were born without ever feeling pain. No loosing baby teeth, no scrapes or bruises. And then, suddenly, you were let out into the world and two seconds later got hit by a car."

Lara: "I don't know. You tell me. 'Suddenly wearing leather lingerie and holding a whip with metal spikes.'

Harry: "Well, all I felt was pain, and Mab said..."

LS: "Ah, yes, the ever so reliable Fae. They always tell the truth, right?"

Harry: "Screw you. It was a difficult time, ok?"

Thomas: 'under breath' "Every day is a 'difficult time.'"

Murphy: "I will continue to do my duty and protect the citizens of Chicago until I die."

Binder: "Now that's a good story.

So here I am in South America with a Tasmanian Devil, two Siberian tigers, and a dodo bird. I'd gotten a call from a friend of mine about a possible assassination attempt on Obama. So I went to see how much someone could get for a president. "

Hannah: "No, no, no, no and no.

It was two days after the death of the Red Court. I was barely making a living, and hiding from the White Council on top of it. I called in a favor, Binder was sent to help, and we hit it off from there."

Thomas: "Well, Murphy has told a couple stories... 'Laughs'.

Harry: "Murph? What stories? Not the one..."

Murphy: "Yep. Way too good to pass up. I even sent the video to a couple people."

Harry: "I have the only video! We agreed before hand, one goddamn copy!"

Murphy: "I may have set up 4-5 others."

Kincaid: "Hey, Dresden. You know you're supposed to

(This has been removed so as to preserve T rating.)

Harry: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" 'Charges at Kincaid'

(Also removed to preserve rating)

Thirty minutes later...

LS: "Oooooooooooooooooookay. That was way too much information. Now I'd put up the other review we have right now, but it isn't questions. Kawaii is still awesome, though. He gave my very first fanfic its first review!"

Harry: "The one that sucked?"

LS: "Shut up. Now, I write this in advance as I get reviews. I got some free time, so I'll add this. Readers, you may use fanfiction as canon in your questions, with two very important conditions. Send a link for the story with your questions.

A. NO male slash. No offence intended to gays. I just really don't want to read that.

B. I will answer from crossovers provided I have a basic knowledge of the other category.

Other than that, nothing. Also, one more thing. If any of you haven't read ECDeadly's "Ask the Survivors" (Resident Evil version of this) first, READ IT. Second, he does a "co-host" thing. Basically, he picks a winner, and that person tells him what they want to do as they host with him, and he writes them in. I'm considering doing that. Any takers?"

LS: "That's done. Now, next review. narphoenix, welcome back! You're alive!

_**Oh come on. I was just hoping to get everyone's reactions to me pretending to summon her, not actually /summon/ her. Thankfully, the Unseelie Queen has graced me with her mercy in exchange for a service I will not disclose. She's annoyed, but no longer insulted.**_

_**Anyway. Harry. When are you going to finally get some action? I mean seriously. The uber saint chaste pure holy mega good guy Michael gets some more often than you do. You are in /desperate/ need to get laid.**_

_**Everyone else: try not to howl too loudly in agreeing laughter.**_

LS: "You did get everyone's reaction. Especially Mab's."

Harry: "I'd rather have her insulted than annoyed. I insulted her, and I'm her Knight. When I annoyed her, my head met with an elevator."

Thomas: "Narphoenix has a point, little bro. I mean, Ana had to practically throw herself at you."

Harry: "I got some at the end of the last book, duh. And I'm pretty sure that'll continue. Besides, it's probably more than you get!"

LS: "Harry, be nice to the reviewer, we can't spare them. Also, OHHHHHHHHHHH, BURN! And that is the last review. Hope everyone enjoyed! Review please!"


	5. Chapter 5

LS: 'Slams door open and storms in yells'

"GODDAMMIT!"

Everyone: 'sighs and rolls eyes'

LS: "Stupid effing writers with their stupid effing cliffhangers!"

Molly: "Is this about that one anime, Attack on Titan?"

(Warning, slight spoilers ahead)

LS: "Yes! That's how they wanted to end it?! Yay, motivational speech, transformation, possible start of rampage, aannnnnd... DONE. What the HEll!?"

Lash: "While I'm still not completely familiar with human culture, I believe the term is marketing?"

LS: "AHHHHHH! It still pisses me off. But, that is not why the wonderful reviewers and readers are here for. So, onto the reviews.

First, ThatBlueScreenGuy is back."

_**Oh, yea, nope. You did it Lara. Imma need to take a nice cold shower after this... not that it'll do me much good.**_..

_**But before I do that, I have another, rather important for my own personal safety, question.**_

_**I may or may not have pissed off one of the Tuatha De Danann... More specifically, the goddess of death and chooser of the slain, the Morrígan...**_

_**Um...**_

_**Any tips on how to get out of this situation without getting my a** put six feet under?**_

LS: "Well, all I know about the Morrígan is from Secrets of Nicholas Flamel. I don't suppose you have any ancient enchanted spearheads?"

Harry: "The only real god I've worked with is Odin. And not only is that the wrong type of god, I never pissed him off. I found pissing off gods is a really bad idea."

Marcone: "Miss Gard, who is still in my employ, is a true chooser of the slain. I shall request her assistance in this matter. Perhaps she can convince the Morrígan to forgive whatever transgression you have performed."

LS: "Good luck. Now, narphoenix has returned, and he says..."

_**Question Time!**_

_**Harry, you seem to get bonked on the head a lot. How do you feel your wizard/Winter Knight healing being clearly unable to catch up to this? :)**_

_**Molly, what kind of "example" do you intend to set the next time a mortal intends to attack your parents' home? Remember, you're the chick who figured out how to mentally subvert the Senior Council while you were still an apprentice, and you're the Winter Lady now, so feel free to get nasty.**_

_**Everyone but Harry: how quickly did you acclimate to the fact that Harry's skin is always more black and blue than anything else?**_

Harry: "God damn it! Why must everyone insist on mocking my intelligence!? I am PERFECTLY sane and 100% capable of using my brain. I AM NOT DAMAGED!"

Everyone: 'stares at Harry'

Harry 'cough' "Ermmmm, I mean, gosh I just love being mentioned by reviewers. It makes me feel special."

Molly: "I'll probably just kill them. Torture is more Mab's thing."

Everyone: "His El Dorado coat hid his skin. By the time he took it off, none of us were exactly surprised."

LS: "Hmm, well that's all the reviews. Damn, short chapter. Hope all you awesome readers don't mind to much! See ya next week!"


	6. Chapter 6

LS: 'Walks in quickly' WE HAVE A REVIEW!

Everyone walks over.

Binder: "You realize we don't care, right? We have a life beyond this story."

LS: "Hey, I resent that! Just because life is slow and tortuous during summer doesn't mean it ceases to exist!"

Thomas: "Enough. I already have a headache. The review?"

LS: "Huh? Oh, yeah. Narphoenix says...

_**Everyone: How did you chorus the "El Dorado" comment? That was damn impressive.**_

_**Harry: Of you're not damaged. Now, would you like orange or raspberry for your Jello, today?**_

Everyone: "Luck? Wait, what?! Stop copying me! No, you're copying me!"

'Molly is seen in the background, her eyes closed in concentration.'

Harry: 'slumps down. pouty voice' Neither. I wanna have lime."

LS: "While we're here, Marcone, what's the word on the Morrígan issue?"

Marcone: "Miss Gard is making excellent progress. The Morrígan has tentatively agreed to a year's worth of peace talks in exchange for a cameo in this story."

LS: "Oh that's easy!" 'snaps fingers'

Morrígan: "Hello humans." 'leaves'

LS: Hopefully a year is long enough. My chapters are getting shorter and shorter. hmm. Well whatever. Have a good week, people!"


	7. Chapter 7

Harry: "Hey, where's the Scholar? Anyone seen him?"

Everyone: 'negative responses'

'door opens to admit LS, slumped down and heaving'

LS: "I... HATE... summer." 'collapses on couch'

Everyone: 'laughs'

Thomas: "Oh, is the big bad writer afraid of a little heat?" 'More laughter'

LS: 'snarls' "Screw off."

'Three children(Hope, little Harry, and Maggie), sneak up from behind and dump five gallons of ice water on LS'

Everyone: 'raucous laughter'

LS: "...…..."

Harry: 'whispers' "I think we broke him."

LS: 'suddenly way too bright and cheerful' "We have a review. ThatBlueScreenGuy has returned with good news and bad news!"

_**Well, I'm not dead! That's a plus. Miss Gard really came through on this one. Now, instead of owing the Morrigan my life, I owe her my firstborn child.**_

_**... Yeah, I don't think I came out ahead on this one.**_

_**Anyway, it seems as though I owe our resident mobster, Mister Marcone, a debt. So, Johnny boy, what's it going to cost me?**_

_**Oh, just so you know, you can't have my firstborn, my soul, either of my pinkie fingers, or my right g***. All of those have been taken by other various entities.**_

_**You'd think I'd learn by now.**_

_**Anyway! I gots another question for jolly, holly, Miss Molly! What's the deal with the cellphone? Shouldn't those things fry when you get within a ten foot radius? Yet, there you were, using one as though it were nothing! Care to explain?**_

_**(Oh, and Harry! Stop acting like a mentally retarded child getting scolded by his mother! What happened to that badass wizard that we all know and lo- Well, love might be a strong word... You get my point though, damnit!)**_

LS: 'seeths' "Ohhhhhh. Well, I mean, at least you're alive?"

Marcone: "I shall pass your debt to the head of Monoc Security. I'm sure an estimate of the cost will arrive soon."

LS: "I don't think I could manage without my right g***, but souls are overrated. I just can't find a buyer."

Harry: "I bet Hades would have taken it."

'The soundproof room's door cracks open just a bit, and Deirdre is heard singing along to the theme of My Little Pony'

LS: 'smirks' "I think I won out with the deal I made. Next step, Cupcakes and Smile!" (do not look those up on YouTube if you value your sanity)

Molly: "I, uh, don't want to talk about it. It's... complicated."

Harry: 'turns to LS' "_Forzare_!" LS is sent flying across the room.

LS: "Why me?"

Harry: "You said we can't attack any of the others, but you didn't protect yourself. 'to reviewer' How's that?"

LS: "Maybe it's not so good to be writer after all... But, the next review is from narphoenix."

_**Ok. We need to make your chapter longer.**_

_**Murphy: Did you hug Harry or kick his a** when you found the diamonds he hid for you?**_

_**Nicodemus: Please explain in loving detail how many and which people have been gunning for you since the end of the last book. (Note, if Nicky doesn't answer, I trust Harry will be able to explain. And probably inject a note of glee.)**_

_**Marcone: Why are you neutral? Seriously. The Fomor are jackasses and everyone else wants to kill them. Declare war and be done with it.**_

_**Lara/Thomas: Have either of you ever eaten a Fomor? Or one of their servitors?**_

_**Harry: Have you ever given consideration to investigating the 4000000000000000000000 mysteries surrounding your... Existence, really, during your off time? I mean, your birth is already far too interesting for getting shoved out of someone's unmentionables, and that's literally like one second of your life.**_

_**Also, are we gonna see other wizards here?**_

Harry: "GODDAMMIT!"

Murphy: "What diamonds? 'looks around, sees Harry trying to sneak away' Harry, what diamonds?"

Harry: "Uhh, the, um, diamonds I, uh, gave you."

Murphy: "WHAT!"

Harry: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 'runs'

Murphy: 'follows'

Nicodemous: 'pale and angry, shadow extends behind him' "Suffice to say I shall endure and exact vengeance most terrible."

LS: "Oh, Oh, I'll do it!"

'Anduriel curls around LS'

LS: "On second thought..."

Marcone: "A neutral party is the safest goal in such a war. If I joined the Fomor, no doubt I would immediately be surrounded by enemies, as most of the Resistance resides in Chicago. By throwing my lot with the Resistance, however, would server many connections I have made and would certainly pose a problem long term."

'Lara and Thomas share a disgusted glance'

Lara: "No, but Father did, a very long time ago, in a step to gain the throne."

LS: "I'm pretty sure I know exactly what Harry would say. Everyone else probably does to. Everyone?"

All: "I try not to overthink it."

LS: "Even though this is Thursday, and I'm not gonna update til Saturday, that was the only two reviewers, I'm gonna go ahead and say see ya next week. Anyone up for popcorn while we watch Harry get crucified? No? Alright."

'Opens door to pouring rain, slams door'

LS: "F*** summer."


	8. Chapter 8

LS: "Ahhhhh! School is nearly here!"

Thomas: "Are you going to stick with that resolution this time, or change your mind again?"

LS: "How do I know? Review time. ERMAWGAWD! We have a completely new reviewer!"

Everyone: 'shocked exclamations'

Harry: "Well I mean, you are just riding our fame."

LS: "Do shut up, Harry, there's a good boy. Kawaii says...

_**just read them all and nice! For Marcone: Is Harry your favorite wizard to work with or would you prefer some else who doesn't hate your guts? Or is his track record to good to pass up?**_

_**Thomas: What was your reaction to having a wizard for a sibling? And do your other sisters besides Lara know?**_

Marcone: "Harry is one of the few wizards I know, and most assuredly the strongest. He also is capable of bending the rules if need be, which is beneficial in many situations."

LS: "Hey, where's the Senior Council? I invited them, Marcone could try them."

Thomas: "I was relieved one of my family was norm... was less murder psychotic than the rest."

Lara: "Due to the... rather lethal stubbornness of the wizard, and the risk it poses, I took special measures when it came to that, particular secret.

LS: Ok, one last reviewer who sneaked in at least second. Or not, but i just got it. Narphoenix said...

_**Don't got much this week. Just:**_

_**Kincaid, how did it feel to discover your assassination was screwed over by Winter Queen antics?**_

Kincaid: "The one time I failed. I was ticked, because technically I still owe Dresden a favor. But, I doubt me or anyone I know could successfully screw over Mab."

'The door opens to admit many cloaked figures.'

LS: "Uh, guys, we don't have time for this."

'Kincaid inconspicuously sneaks away, avoiding the Blackstaff.'

Carlos R.: "We're late? But what about questions?"

LS: "Uh, no one asked anything of you guys. Yet! Ya, I'm sure people will ask soon."

Merlin: "Indeed. I'd hate to start believing you asked us here merely to waste our time."

LS: "Well, that's it for this week. Good news! I start school Monday. This shouldn't affect my schedule for updates, but in case I'm late, you now know the cause. See everybody next week!"


	9. Chapter 9

LS: "And, to top it off, four day weeks!" 'Looks around, then coughs' "Reader alert. Let's get started! Then I'll brag about my awesome school some more. First of all, Kawaii is back with...

_**Yay! Poor Kincaid. McCoy based on your feelings towards the white court in general how do you feel about having a grandson who is one?**_

_**Harry why haven't you told Thomas about his grandfather yet?**_

_**Carlos love you! And what was your reaction to Harry being alive again?**_

Kincaid: "Thanks, but I don't need your pity."

McCoy: "Grandson? I only have one grandson. Kindly refrain from stating against that, or I'll stop asking."

Harry: "After that, I doubt I have to explain."

Carlos: "Everyone loves me! How could they not?" 'starts posing'

LS: "Not this again! Thanks, Kawaii."

Carlos: 'while flexing' "Now hold on, I wasn't done. I wasn't surprised in the least. Harry almost as skilled as me!"

LS: "Moving on! Narphoenix, welcome back."

_**Ooh! Senior Council!**_

_**Merlin and McCoy- I heard from a very reliable source (a Mr. Jim Butcher) that your feud started circa the French and Indian War? Shouldn't you have gotten over that by now?**_

_**Ancient Mai- You seemed to be rather close to Wizard LaFortier. Can you elaborate on why?**_

_**Martha Liberty- A similar question to Mai's: why are you friends with McCoy?**_

Merlin and McCoy: 'share a look' "No."

Mai: "Stared in French and Indian war. After the Merlin and McCoy started, it basically split the entire Senior Council."

Martha: "Ditto."

LS: "And now, the much anticipated, the amazing, a brand new reviewer! Atgoogledotcom!

_**Ls: summon Harry's old fallen angel**_

_**Muphy and Tomas: talk to her**_

_**Harry: put on sunglasses**_

LS: "Little random, but alright." 'snaps fingers'

'Lash appears in the left corner of the room.'

'Lasciel appears in the right corner of the room.'

LS: "Uh, oops?"

'Thomas confers briefly with Murphy'

Thomas: "I'll talk to Lash."

Murphy: "Leaving me with Lasciel."

Harry: "Puts on Albert Wesker sunglasses.

'ten minutes later'

LS: "Switch!"

'Murphy walks over to Lash, looking slightly pale, while Thomas goes to Lasciel, smiling.'

LS: "And that's all for this week. Thanks for the reviews, people! See ya next week. If you have it, try to enjoy school! Curious, anyone else think playing Every... Simpsons... Ever... sounds absolutely pointless and insane?"


	10. Chapter 10

LS walks in, slumped over

Thomas: "Dude, you're like, really late."

LS: "Oh my god, I know. Homework, and seminary, and classes, and everything. Two reviews, and I just barely woke my ass up to write. Maybe I should change this to one update every two weeks? Kawaii is our first reviewer this week."

_**Ok McCoy scary, but cool. Mai: Why do you think Harry will turn evil does it have anything to do with his Mother or is it just Harry? Because he doesn't fit in or even try to?**_

_**Langtry: Is it possible that you are related to Harry in some way? I mean magic does run in bloodlines, so any illegitimate kids you want to speak about? Or sisters that might have married a certain Scottish Blackstaff? Because no one can p*** you off more than family.**_

_**To Lea you are awesome! What did you think about little Harry (pre-Justin)?**_

Mai: "He is a warlock, and now the Winter Knight. Must I spell out how deadly and dangerous that is?"

Merlin: "..."

LS: "Well? Illegitimate children, sister with Blackstaff, anything possible?"

Merlin: "...It... is not a ridiculous proposal."

Everyone: 'Jaws drop'

Lea: "He was a very interesting child, to be sure. I was most pleased when DuMorne took him in."

LS: "Next up is narphoenix with...

_**Question for all the older wizards here who could care to answer: I know the Council frowns on direct interference with mortal politics/wars, but I'm sure there are stories of indirect interference (and I know that, for example, Morgan directly for the Allies in WWI on top of that). Any stories you care to share?**_

McCoy: 'laughs' "You wouldn't believe the half of it. And, because Laws can't be broken by anyone, guess who ends up with the job? Civil War, Vietnam, you name it!"

LS: "Oh, god damn it, I'm late. It's SUNDAY!"

Harry: "Chill out, it's not that big a deal."

LS: "Says you. Fine. I apologize to the readers. My school is making a float for a parade. I'll probably be on time next week. See you all!"


	11. Chapter 11

LS: "Happy Labor Day! Even though this is Labor Day, and this won't be posted til Saturday, who cares. We are here with our totally awesome and, uh," 'Reaches into to pocket and comes out empty' "Dammit, where did my speech go? Ugh. Everyone, wish our readers happy Labor Day!"

Everyone: "HAPPY LABOR DAY!"

LS: "Good job. Kawaii is first and he says..."

_**Hey congrats on the float sounds cool.**_

_**Hendricks: How did you meet Marcone anyways? Also on a scale from 1 to 10 how funny is Harry? I mean some of the things he says makes fall over laughing so you must have iron will not to smile.**_

_**Marcone you have to think he is funny. I believe that is part of the reason why you haven't killed him (the other reasons are obvious). To Sigrun Gard: Are you and Hendricks dating yet? Mr. Carpender: What do you think about Harry from when you first met him to now? Do you see him like a little brother**_?

LS: "Thanks! It was a bit boring, just walking and throwing candy, but good with bad. I did go to the fair after, so that was cool."

Hendricks: "He hired me. I'm still there. I just do my job. I'm too busy making sure he doesn't try anything to notice."

Marcone: "He is amusing, but it is far more enjoyable to watch him come to some large realization. His face becomes... rather interesting."

Miss Gard: "He's not my type. And I'm paid to show at least some professionalism."

Michael: "He reminds me of a floundering child sometimes..."

Harry: "Hey!"

Michael: "But usually, I see him as a nephew of sorts."

LA: "And now... HOLY GOD!" 'Picks up an enormous scroll that extends out the door' "Um, we have a new reviewer. Hoo boy. coolcat12345, welcome..."

'the ground starts shaking, and the review rises from the ground as LS reads it.'

_**Great for Miss. Gard, how did negotiations with Morriganwent?Lea, what exactly was deal with Margaret and do you know Cinderella's godmother,maybe counterpart like how six Queens of Sidhe are to eachother? I ask because ofthat limit on clothes in Changes, even if it was noon, soitmeans above mentioned is , you have allhumanknowledge so does inhuman knowledge interests you?Mothers Summer and Winter are you one person,how ols you are, dis you know all gods,fromOdin over Zeus to White God whenthey were in diapers, do you work with them and can you beat them?How did Winter end up protecting reality from Outsiders and Summer protecting reality from Winter, and who were previous guardians?Did Autumn and Spring Courts, with which of four elements were they aligned (Summer is fire and lightand life with little earth and plants, summer is air,darkness,ice,death withlittle water) existand ifthey did, how they disappeared, was it because they were previous guardians?And Butcher mentioned Winter Mother is only one who had it position, while current Mother Summer is second one, that happened during recorded human history, so how and why, maybe because Summer comes before Winter?Don't killme for this, just send question and I will answer it like you did with Harry?Kringle, how do you balance duties of Santa,Wyldfae lord, unnoficialWinter King and Donnar Vaderungand do you feel nostalgia for your days of Odin?Erlking, you are said to protect children and similar,yet you lead hunt?Atre you maybe Krampus, anthithesis ofClaus that punishes bad children?Titania, what would you all wish todo to Harry and what happened toOberon?Plus, are fae Tuatha De Dannan?**_

Miss Gard: "It was unpleasant, but mostly bearable. I have dealt with gods before."

Lea: "Apologies, but part of the deal was I couldn't divulge any particulars. That silly thing? Hardly. All Fae have some power in transformation, but of course some are far more powerful. I am interested in all knowledge, and will go great lengths in order to gain it."

Mother Summer: "We are indeed, but not in the way you'd imagine."

Mother Winter: "They are of little interest to us, for they are bound even tighter than us, and pose little threat lest they take extraordinary measures.

Mother Summer: "Many events had to fall in place for such things to happen. It was actually a compromise. The details are extraordinarily complex. No predecessors, though."

Mother Winter: "They still exist. Not well known, or powerful, but they are still there."

Mother Summer: "Twas my mother, bless her, who occupied this role before me."

VD/K: "Ha! There are difficulties, obviously, but it's generally manageable. Being Odin was fun, but being in the shadows has benefits, too."

Erlking: "My role? Tis a complex and twisted thing. Many people used to hold roles now held by one. I was, originally, but one thing led to another."

Titania: "Nothing, anymore. He is still alive, in a way. Some are. We Fae are a large and varied kind."

LS: "Whew! Fun. I think I actually prefer long reviews. Keeps the chapter long. Finally, we have narphoenix."

_**Ooh boy. Now, I want to hear the question that was directed at Arthur Langtry directed at the rest of the Senior Council. Do /you/ guys have progeny running around?**_

Senior Council: 'Chooses Merlin to speak, because It'd take WAY to much time to go through all of it."

Merlin: "All of us have living relatives, but only Ancient Mai and a few others keep in touch."

LS: "And that's this week! Now, just so y'all know, my oma (grandma) has been ill for a while, and pretty much my whole family thinks she'll die soon. So, if I'm late, next week or any week, just figured you all should know. See ya next week!"


	12. Chapter 12

LS: "Whew, reviews are coming in faster and faster! Keep me on my toes! We'll jump right in with Kawaii's review."

_**McCoy:Are you ever going to get around to telling Harry who his grandmother is or was? Also what was Margaret like as a child? Harry: how afraid of Murphy and Marcone would you be if they both had magic? Admit it that would be scary. Thomas: What would be the perfect woman for Harry?**_

McCoy: "Was, and probably not, it's no big deal. (eyes shifting back and forth) She was a good deal like Harry. Stubborn and stupid."

Harry: "Hey! Um, Marcone with magic? 'shudders' Talk about nightmare material. And I'm even gonna start on Murphy."

Murphy: "And why is that?"

Harry: "Ermm, Thomas, answer your question!"

Thomas: 'under breath' "Yeah, that'll save you." 'normal voice' "Well, you know, I'd hate to break up such a new and cute relationship."

'death glare from Harry and Murphy.'

Thomas: "Yikes! Our next review is from coolcat123545."

_**So you because you made my review so for Archive, that was supposed to be in former review but site deleted it and it went to you interested in animal and inhuman knowledge? Ivy, how it felt when one moment you were normal baby and in another holded all things recorded by humanity?**_

Ivy: "It was the strangest experience. Immediately, I was capable of knowing anything, but still struggled to talk or walk. And... knowing just how my mother felt on top of it. It was very near too much."

LS: "One more review left. This final review for this week is narphoenix."

_**To the various immortals out there:**_

_**What was it like for there to have been a nation that endured for centuries, millennia even, (the Red Court) only for them to be wiped out in a single night en masse?**_

Mother Winter: "Oh, it wasn't so bad. All the wailing and despair was most pleasing!"

Mab: "In effect, nothing really changed. When the Red Court fell, it merely opened the way for the next in line: the Fomor. In hundreds, maybe thousands of years, they'll die out, too.

LS: "Well, that's it for this week. Hope you all enjoyed, and review for more! Have a good week!"


	13. Chapter 13

LS: "And so I just say, I'm a ginger!"

Everyone: 'laughs'

LS: "I really wish it was Thursday. The novelty of charter school has officially worn off."

Molly: "Why'd you think I dropped out?"

LS: 'pulls out papers.' "Welp, we gots our reviews, along with someone new! Welcome wanderer097!"

_**Harry, have you ever thought of using an air vacuum to complement your other spells? You could just make fires go away or suffocate a person.**_

Harry: "Huh, that's actually a great idea..." 'looks at LS'

LS: "Nonono! I just barely recovered from the force spell, do NOT use me as the test subject. Just set something on fire and test it that way!"

Harry: "Ok. Fuego!" 'At LS' "Ventis vaccumus!" 'puts it out'

LS: "Ahhhhhhhhh! Dammit, that hurts like a moth... " 'Looks over at Charity and Michael.' "Um, like a Mothman's poison? Finally, coolcat12345 is the last review this week."

_**To all of its members,was there need for Unseelie Accords?And aside Mab creating them,was there some specific reason for that name and how You decided to name it Unseelie Accords.P.S,if others had problems with it,how Mab silenced them?**_

Erlking: "Of course there was a need. It kept us from taking each other apart. It also created a balance and order among us."

Mab: "I created it, I named it."

Kringle: "Just ask the people who broke them. OH wait, you CAN'T. You really really, REALLY, do not want to know."

Erlking: "Let's put it thusly. Slate was a servant, and ally, of Winter. Someone who breaks the Accords is an enemy."

LS: "And that's it this week! Two whole reviews! Make sure to review for more!"


	14. Chapter 14

Harry: "Scholar, get up!"

LS: 'snaps awake while sitting in a chair' "Oh, ok. Is it time?"

Thomas: "It was time three days ago, but you looked tired."

LS: "I'd ask how many reviews, but it probably isn't enough to worry about, right?"

Harry, Thomas: "Ummmmmmm."

LS: "Right!?"

Harry: "Four."

LS: "Damn. That's not bad. Alright, who's first?"

Thomas: "Actually, you know how narphoenix didn't review and you thought it was weird?"

LS: "Son of a bitch! Really?"

Harry: "Yep."

LS: 'sigh' "Alright, let's do that first."

_**At the White Courters: why so much scheming? What's the point?**_

White Courters: 'confused mutters'

Lara: "It truly is all they know. It's how they were raised. Very few can accept change."

Deirdre: "Next up is kawaii, and why am I doing this again?"

LS: "Because I decided this was your new hell. You were starting to enjoy My Little Pony too much."

Deirdre: "I was not!"

LS: "What's the mane six and three background characters?"

Deirdre: "Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, then Queen Chrysalis, Discord and Derpy Hooves."

Harry: "Ooooooooookay, now to the review."

_**Hey sadly I missed the review for this week.**_

_**Kringle: As a child did Harry ever write to you? If so what was it?**_

_**Murphy, Marcone, Hendricks, Butters: How do you all feel now that you know Santa Clause is real (and can be pretty scary when he wants to be?)**_

_**To the white Council(i.e Morgan, Merlin, Mai, ect...): Is there anything about Harry you guys do like? Because admit it its awesome how he actually speaks his mind in the face of some big baddies.**_

Kringle: "I don't know. Most mortals through those letters in trash, and I have little interest in them."

Harry: "I did send a couple, but it was nothing big."

Murphy: He's no big deal. Harry beat him down pretty quick."

Marcone: "I was aware of his existence long before Harry. Miss Gard informed me of many such entities that would be capable of challenging my position."

Hendricks: "Just another addition to this freak show."

Butters: "Are you guys INSANE!? It's freaking Santa Clause! It's absolutely incredible!"

Merlin: "His so called courage only makes more obvious the fact that he is reckless, unpredictable, and an extreme liability to the good of the world."

Harry: "Gee, there's that lovely warm feeling in my heart again. I feel so loved."

LS: "Don't worry about missing a week, I did that too. I am officially changing this story to updates twice monthly. Next review is from coolcat12345."

_**for immortals,who is oldest,like not oldest in title but oldest in age, of you?**_

Mother Winter: "That is a question that is difficult to answer, but it is generally accepted that the Mothers were the first."

Nicodemous: "Of course, there are other views as well."

LS: "Finishing it up this week is a new reviewer,Thugorp."

_**Harry have you played the game that Billy made out of your case files? Do you like it? is so to both, do you play or D.M. If you play what do you play.**_

_**Billy who is a better DM Butters or Kirby?**_

_**Butters would you be willing to take on an apprentice? If it helps I am an herbalist with fencing and Hapkido experience... if that hurts than I am none of those things... whichever is better.**_

Harry: "Once you live through stuff like that, a game doesn't seem so appealing."

Billy: "Butters is a good replacement, but..."

Butters: "I resent that! Um, I'm not really sure I'm looking for an apprentice just yet. Try again in a year or so."

LS: "Well, that's all I got this week. Tune in two weeks from today for more! Also, sorry this is a day late, the next updates will be in Saturday like normal."


End file.
